Amanda's Page

I'm WARNING ya.. I LOVE to write!!! lol
I'm a 47 year old Personal Chef ( I turn 48 on Oct 1st). I'm told I still look like I'm in my 30's ...so If thats true..Thanks Mom & Dad for those Colombian/Panamanian genes! Ok.. I KNOW I look waaaay younger than my age!! lol But..I've had to LEARN to be Darn PROUD of my age ( until recently, I only admitted to 31-33!! lol).. I've EARNED & OWN UP to EVERY SINGLE Month and Year, that I've lived!!! :-) Not easy in "youth obsessed" America.. where I have noticed slight attitude changes when I admit my REAL AGE to people I just meet or ones who I've known for awhile!!

Recently enlightened & new to Raw foods after a couple years of "off and on" Vegetarianism, ONE of my goals/aspirations is to transition to being a Raw Chef eventually...I'm on a raw food journey, where I am intent on reversing my Diabetes and getting into healthy shape again!

I currently reside in Middletown, CT, where I live alone with my 10 year old Pomeranian, "Pookie". She is THE love of my life!




I've had SO many "Highs and lows" & experiences in my life. I could write SEVERAL books on the different chapters... I already have SOME of the titles!! "Dysfunctional Childhood - Abuse to Mom's Schizophrenia", "Teen Trauma", " Stung By the Show Biz Bug" , "The Drug Addiction years" ,"From Prozac to Topamax & Everything In Between", "Dysfunctional Loves & More", " But Everybody LOVES a FAT Chef, don't they?", "Diabetes 101", " Transformation, Is that REALLY Me?", "Miami Trips & Europe.. on Cloud 9", "Oh no.. Not AGAIN", "Raw..REALLY???" & hopefully my best chapter/book: "Success For Life..FINALLY !!" :-)

I'm not going to get into the "deeper" aspects of my life ..There are more appropriate support venues for that! But here's the "skinny" of my Life Journey so far...

I was born into a Hispanic Family, so food was a HUGE part of our lives! My mother was an Unconditional Loving Free Spirited Beauty from Panama, who was also a singer on the radio in her country.. eventually fell in love w/my Father, a Colombian Air Force Pilot, who brought her to America...

Here are pics of my late Beloved mother...To really view my Mami , see her amazing eyes & appreciate her "aura", click on the larger scale box to view!




I inherited my mothers singing ability.. but not her amazing beautiful voice.. I started out "my performing career" in Theater ( Hartford Stage Company), during high school.,.From ages 18-22, I was a vocalist in a couple of blues/jazz bands & thru my 20's to mid 30's, I would do the jazz club/piano bar circuit singing blues, standards, jazz/torch songs, etc. Singing fulfilled my "never ending" desire for praise & the void in my life, for love, approval & acceptance ...NOTHING compared to the adrenalin rush & enveloping warmth I felt, from the sound of applause!! Here are some publicity "promo" posters from my wall, Circa 1980 & 1985, ages 19 & 24.





I was never athletic & tended to be shapely but never fat/obese..To be honest.. my eating was atrocious.( late night, emotional eating & I ate EVERYTHING on my plate... Fried Foods, Red meats, junk foods... u name it.. if it tasted good.. it was IN MY MOUTH!).. I was Ignorantly CLUELESS about nutrition & acted like I didn't care!! It didn't help that I was an INCREDIBLE cook... I cooked for EVERYONE!! ( Taste testing all the way thru AND After)..

It wasn't until my 30's, that I started the Yo yo'ing up & down weight from 160-to almost 200lbs. My self esteem and poor body image was at its all time LOW & it was affecting my "singing career"..I became self conscious about my appearance..my confidence swayed & I eventually stopped gigs & tapered off performing all together.. except for the occasional Karaoke to keep me vocalized. By the time I was approaching 40, I was Obese, well over the 250lb mark( I'm 5'8" barefoot)..I was always a "clothes horse"... loving fashionable stylish clothes.. but the bigger I got, the more difficult it became finding NICE styled Plus size clothes in stores( They've come a long way in the last 5 years!) For over a decade, ALL I wore was black.. You'd think I was in mourning.. which in a way I was! I NEVER wore anything w/ color, afraid It would attract attention to that Really fat person, even more.... :-(

I NEVER took pics ..except for the mandatory vacation ones..& even then, I would LITERALLY HIDE my "HUGE Butt" behind whoever I was in the pic with! ( see pics) I would be SO SHOCKED everytime I saw pics of myself... in the mirror, 1/2 delusional, 1/2 denial ... but in truth I HATED myself! I was so ashamed and miserable at how I had "let myself go"!.. I NEVER thought I could ever be one of those smiling happy before & after success stories I used to see on TV & cry over! I suffered severe depression & mood swings..I was diagnosed w/ clinical depression and even bi-polar.. From about age 33 till I was 44, I was given a slew of anti-depressions( Zoloft, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Prozac, ect) & up till 2004, I was on mood stabilzers( Topamax). I was horrendously miserable.. but I NEVER let anyone see this side of me.. To my friends and family, I was ALWAYS the cheery happy bubbly funny.. "Mandi"!

I SWORE I would NEVER show these pics to ANYBODY!! ( embarassment..my vanity...insecurity??) But after seeing such honest struggles and success stories on here.. I realized I HAVE to completely "strip myself bare", bite my pride & show em( HUGE STEP for me!!), especially if I can inspire or help anyone in my situation out there!. I had to dig them out of a box in storage & snap them w/ my digital ( so excuse the blurry/ grainy conditions.. I'm the one on the LEFT .. except for the ones where I'm HIDING behind my niece & nephew!!)



By the time I was 42, I was over 270lbs & a size 24( 4x).. On Feb 26th, 2003 ( I'll NEVER forget that date!), I was diagnosed w/ Type 2 Diabetes ( Gee I wonder why??) I was devastated.. So I figured, I could either go into a depression funk, wallow in self pity or FINALLY DO something about it!! THAT was my "Rock Bottom"! THAT was IT... Something SNAPPED & I was soon on a "ROLL"!

I started Hitting the gym obsessively EVERYDAY, like a madwoman ( no trainer or classes) & gave up carbs. I was absolutely driven and determined to get the weight off & Diabetes OUT of me!! I eventually lost close to 100 lbs, down to a size 10 by Summer of 2004!! My blood sugar was totally normal & weeeeeee..No more meds!! I literally sweated and dieted the Type 2 Diabetes OUT OF ME!! I totally transformed into a different person.. All of a sudden I had a Small waistline, cheekbones and an Hourglass figure!! WHO KNEW??.

I felt like I was 18 years old again.. except I looked waaaay better than I ever had in my life & I was almost 44 years old! For the first time, in a VERY LONG time.. I actually FELT "pretty" again. Maybe its the good genes or the fact that I religiously massaged myself w. cocoa butter and oils every nite, or my bi-weekly massages... but I swear there are no visible stretch marks on me anywhere & my skin eventually "tightened/toned" up!! ??? My masseuse at the time was amazed & so was I !!

Friends I hadn't seen in years, swore I must have had lipo, tummy tucks & a new boob job!.. I assured them I hadn't! The only cosmetic work I had EVER done in my life was having my breasts augmented when I was living in NYC at the age of 20 & then again when I was 30( 13 YEARS before).. but because I had become so heavy.. You COULDN"T Even TELL!!!

All of a sudden, I was getting MAD attention everywhere I went! This was sooooooo alien to me.. & from REALLY Hot Guys LESS than 1/2 my age!!?? It was like I made decades dissapear!! I have to admit.. the attention was Intoxifying & I LOVED IT.. I couldn't get enough!!!! ..I became OBSESSED w/ taking pictures.. I couldn;t believe the image staring back at me .. was ME!! I had ENERGY for DAYS.. so that same year & now a Platinum Blonde, it was time for a 3 week trip back to Miami, to surprise my friends .. ( see pics!)



I became a sun worshipper again, after years of "low self esteem" & hiding my body.

After my "one & only" botox injections to get rid of some sun wrinkles I had developed on my forehead, from my "OVER" Sun Exposure in Miami & the 2 months prior trying to achieve the "Base Tan", I was off & ready to go on a SOLO whirlwind European trip for 7 whole weeks in late 2004!! (Spain, Italy & Greece) I was Fearless ( Or more like a "Manic Bi-Polar" State!!!! lol) I celebrated my 44th birthday in Mykonos, I explored & walked from one end of the city to the other(Barcelona, Rome & Athens) & languished in the sensual Greek islands & partied like it was 1999!!!

Greece seemed familiar to me.. Deja Vu.. as if I had been there in a prior lifetime.. I knew my way around Athens, Mykonos & felt such a spirtual epiphany on the uninhabited sacred island of Delos.. It was truly magical.. Europeans were so wonderful to me & the men were much more vocal & "appreciative", than I was used to back home.. lol!!! Oh My God..I know it sounds superficial, but having male attention EVERYWHERE I went & being told I was actually "Beautiful" & "so sexy"... absolutely made me feel desireable, loved, wanted, & YOUNG again.. It was shocking after wasted YEARS of low self esteem & being known as the fat one!

After a full month in Greece, I CRIED when I had to come home again.. hugging everyone at my favorite Taverna... receiving a bottle of native Greek wine for my trip. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was saying goodbye to a couple of loves, I had grown attached to.. Sasha & Giannis... Or waving goodbye from the port, as the ferry sailed away my cherished actress friend Esmee, back to Amsterdam...whom I had met on the island of Santorini & with whom I had spent 4 glorious days with in Mykonos!

My whole European experience was like a dream.. the kind you hated waking up from... Like a movie..I would have wanted to watch over and over and over...I came back a size 8..bringing my weight loss total to OVER 100lbs!! ( Can't show ya the nude beach pics from Mykonos & Santorini! lol)



Back home to Reality, just in time to vote OUT Bush, that November of 2004... Yeah RIGHT!! It was anti climatic being back home..after having a different life in Europe for almost 2 months..I found myself slipping/ "crashing" into slight depression and eating unhealthy again...not as bad as my Obese years.. but just not as conscientious of how I SHOULD have been. My psyche meds weren't working and I was feeling unfullfilled and restless,, Instead of hitting the gym, when I got back home.. I started feeling myself slowly gaining weight & hibernating,,,I was conscious/aware of it happening,. yet I did nothing to stop it..

By 2006, after a couple of colonics, I told myself I wasn't putting anymore JUNK in my body.. it was defeating the purpose of colonics to begin with!! I became 100% organic & a vegetarian/vegan & started doing carbs again. I gave up ALL my Psyche meds & became anti-toxins/chemicals! I THOUGHT I was eating healthy( ALL/Mostly Organic, , no animal/ dairy, no fried foods, only whole /multi grain breads/crackers, no white flour, etc..) Then late last year, I started doing seafood.. then eventually dairy .. then poultry around June of 2008... Though I was feeling better & hadn't felt depressed, Sizes 12, 14 & 16 started creeping up again..little by little!



By late 2007, I had to start taking my dreaded Diabetes meds again, since my blood sugars were rising!

I made a 2nd trip to Italy in Late Sept, 2007. My Sister Diana & her daughter( my beautiful 19 year old neice) Amanda ( Named after yours truly!!).. were going to Italy & wanted me to go with them.

We met in Rome & I showed them the sights, ruins, the WHOLE city & then we eurorailed our way for 2 weeks to Cinque Terre ( The Italian Riviera), Florence, Venice ( part 2 of my next slide show!) & back to Rome,, I had a great time exploring this beautiful country w/ my family! The following slideshow has the majority of our Italian Trip..

Since I was the designated photographer, there weren't many pics of me.. besides I was up to a size 16 , & I wasn't feeling my most "photogenic"!! (They say that size 14-16 is the average "American Woman size"..but does that mean its healthy???) Tho it was great seeing my family & Italy again.. It was a "DIFFERENT" kind of European vacation this time.. Not as "whirlwind" and "hedonistic" as my prior visit...Just click on both of them, atthe same time, to give ya a quick overview of my trip!





I am currently up to a size 18 & NOT very happy about it... My energy level has slowed down & I haven't hit the beach OR taken pics much this year! I'm freaked out at the fact that I've thrown away all my "fat clothes"( sizes 18 & up) BUT I REFUSE to buy my current size 18 or higher ( I get away with it, by usually wearing lose clothes..baggy t-shirts, sweats, stretch waist long skirts & baggy gym wear)..



A couple of years ago on one of my trips down to FL, my friend Lissa from Boca, had let me borrow her book " Living Foods for Optimum Health" by Brian Clements,. It made alot of sense about food & was very informative ..so..I eventually got my own copy. It was the 1st time I'd ever heard of the term "raw foods".. But frankly, I wasn't ready to give up "cooking".. But After seeing the 10 part video called "Eating" recently , that Lissa sent me from youtube, I realized I needed to do something healthier, before I gain ALL my prior weight back..Thank You Lissa for keepng the "raw idea" in the air!

I ordered & saw the "Raw for 30 days-reversing Diabetes" & "Raw For Life" Dvds & became even MORE determined and enlightened! So on August 14th, 2008, I gave up seafood, poultry & dairy ..along w/ all cooked foods ... Completely 100% RAW and JUST started working out again... One thing I've learned about myself is that, I am one determined individual with the potential of relentless discipline.. once I set my mind & focus on something! I feel like I've woken up from that "fog " once again!

Though I suffer from poor self body image, I am trying to learn how to love myself more and more..You ever notice how Loving others is sometimes easier than TRULY loving yourself!

(Stay tuned for "after" pics. once I start losing weight!! Positive thinking Amanda.. lol) I wanna get back to my former sleeker sexier self & STAY THERE This time... HEALTHIER & HAPPIER than ever!!!!! :-)

I have known NOTHING but COOKING my whole life!! I'm ONE HELL of a cook!! "Cook" being the operative word.There were only a few choice moments of praise/affirmation in my life that greatly affected my self esteem.. My singing, my cooking & when I lost all that weight. am in the process of Re-training /Erasing everything I have known about heating /cooking food, exploring recipes/preparation methods & tweaking my creative recipes into Raw meals for myself and my future raw food clients!

I started Buddhist meditation 6 months ago & my thirst for knowledge & journey for self awareness and betterment,, is Insatiable!

Ya know... protruding cheekbones, a shrinking waistline, increased male attention & an improved sex life are GREAT! .. But this time, my main priority is my Health. My goal is to maintain a healthy weight & to STAY Raw for LIFE! I'm REALLY Determined to manage/reverse my Type 2 Diabetes, lose weight & STAY healthy FOR LIFE...

Oh.. But I have GREAT Memories!! "Memories... Light the corners of my mind"...lol :-)



So any of you fellow raw foodies & ex-overweight/Diabetes individuals, who got Healthier by going raw.. PLEASE "hit me up" for inspiration and added motivation!!

I will keep you posted/updated on my progress :)

Thank you all for reading my story( If u actually read ALL of it.. you deserve a prize!! lol) & for being a part of my journey! The supportive affirming comments I've received so far.. makes me smile ALL day.. I feel so blessed & It means more to me than you know! :)

I wish you all peace of mind....a life w/o stress... continued enlightment, spiritually, rawfully & EVERY other way!!

Amanda

Update: September 1, 2008

After going completely raw on August 14th, 2008, I went off my Diabetes Meds, exactly a week after starting On August 21st!! After a couple of scary days, where my blood sugars ZOOMED Dangerously high, after having been injected w/ Prednisone, due to a Peanut allergy reaction, while taste testing my freshly made Asian peanut sauce, my blood sugars have been decreasing little by little!!

They have been COMPLETELY normal for over a week now ( 95-100 in the morning & 115-125 after dinner!!) Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
This is the FIRST time that I've been off my meds, w.o having to have lost 60 lbs 1st!! The last time was when I was in the process of losing all that weight & my blood sugars normalized after losing 60lbs!

I am fitting into my size 16 jeans again & I can feel the weight slowly starting to come off! I can't WAIT to see the dimples on my cheeks again & I DON'T MEAN The ones I SIT ON!! lol ... I notice I sweat PROFUSIVELY when I work out.. like I all those unhealthy toxins are just READY to come out of me..I go to the bathroom VERY regularly again ( 4-5 times a day) & I have so much energy.. its ridiculous!!

Sept 8, 2008:

I can't believe how quickly I have embraced this new way of eating! I have been preparing/ experimenting & trying new raw meal recipes almost every night! ( see pics & recipes!)...

I'm kinda tapering off my newfound excitement/enthusuiasm from the 1st couple of weeks. I find myself just preparing salads, smoothies and fresh fruit lately.. Giving my dehydrator a rest! Tho I STILL want a Vitamix.. My food processor is CRAZY messy!! . I've had to devise/rig a way to wrap paper towels around the edges, to soak up any "high speed" splatter, everytime I make my smoothies on it! Even my old blender woulda done better!! lol.