Is it inevitable to grow apart?

Hi. I was just wondering what people have found. I think I am, or my body is or deep down somewhere the part of me, is fearing that if I really go and stay all raw, that the chasm will grow bigger and bigger until there is no way I can stay with him anymore....

Has anyone found that?

I actually have some promising signs that he may move my direction, like he drinks green smoothies (lots of fruit) and the last one i made him had chia seeds in it, adn he said he felt so satisfied for a long time.

He's into doing without coffee at the moment.

Maybe its just my negative thinking patterns, I just can't believe that if I go all raw like I was for amonth last year, it will all fall apart.

Also the fact that he hunts ducks and geese, and pheasants. that maybe I won't be able to tolerate that anymore if I get too clean. He wants to teach our children to hunt. its his favorite thing. But then again, if we were separated, he would still teach them that stuff when he is with them.......

Then I think, is it ever possible that he would get more and more raw, that eventually he would not want to kill animals anymore?

I guess my question is, is it hard for anyone else to be raw due to the way it creates a chasm between you?
(OR maybe that's just my excuse for having such a hard time staying off sugar and refined foods!!!)

Tags: apart, chasm, children, growing, hunting, marriage

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jef on June 19, 2008 at 7:34am: Wow, Emma, I hope things go well, and in whatever way seems best for you! True, there is only one way to find out! I thought it's possible when this happens that the one person has moved on and is not really even interested in looking at it again. You must have enough going for the relationship that it is worth seeing what happens!!

How long have you been raw?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jef on June 19, 2008 at 7:38am: Checked out your page and answered my own question!!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Emma on June 19, 2008 at 11:11am: Yes at first I thought I knew for definite that there was no going back but it's like he is a totally different person. The words you read above, I've no idea where that came from. He never, ever, got in touch with emotions like that before. I figure if he can change and put in so much effort only a fool would turn their back on that.

I'd hate to look back on that in years to come and go, wow, what an effort he made for me, he laid his feelings on the line and I point blankly refused to even give him the chance.

Gosh, that sounds like I've already decided to give it another go doesn't it? Hmm...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by EcoDea on June 19, 2008 at 10:48am: Wow, Jennifer, you tow seem to be getting "in tune" :) Sounds wonderful!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jef on June 19, 2008 at 12:58pm: We'll see........I'm trying to be more positive and stay away from ruminating over what he's done "to me" in the past, and focus on my boundaries when/if he acts innappropriate and on the positive aspects otherwise. Seems to be helping, or else its just another one of the honeymoon times that happens in our roller coaster relationship (ie what happens in the cycle of abuse). Eventually we will see what it is. I've been scrutinizing whether he really seems like the "abuser" type, and talked to an aquaintance who's husband ended her in the hospital periodically during their marriage, and there seems to be a psychotic or mental aspect to her ex-husband that is not the same in mine, so I'm experimenting with thinking about it differently--like if he doesn't have that element then maybe he can learn and if I assert MYSELF I can improve things without just leaving.

Sorry, rambling..........just felt like putting it in words to solidify what I've been thinking lately. Does it seem to make any sense?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by EcoDea on June 19, 2008 at 1:11pm: Yes, it makes a lot of sense!! Actually, even though I only know you through these small interactions on Give it to me raw, you seem to be different than when I first met you only - certainly more assertive!! The way you write is very different. I think the right word would be "flourishing". You seem to be flourishing into your true, happy self! :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jef on June 19, 2008 at 1:44pm: thanks! Maybe its summer,..........I'm getting a lot of sunlight and fresh air and time in the garden!! :) Certainly I don't feel this way all the time. .... Maybe i'm a good pretender!!! My kids could tell you how often I "raise my voice" >>:); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Julianne on July 9, 2008 at 4:53am: I feel what you are saying, Jennifer and I agree with Emma. When I first began this raw food journey in December- 07, I was taking alot of criticism from my spouse. I felt defensive and hurt, and took it very personally because it felt like such a beautiful and healthy thing to be doing. I started to realise that I was beginning to view my husband as not supportive and we had some heated discussions on him shutting it when he doesn't have something nice to say, etc... He got the hint and backed off. Now, its July and he has shed alot of his bad habits with refined, processed foods, and is trying to get healthy himself. (quit smoking and working out) I KNOW if I tried to make him live my lifestyle of choice from the beginning he would never had come as far as he has now. I am very proud of him and I wanted to share that to support the idea of allowing your radiance from the raw food "glow" and vitality to speak on its own, while insisting a level of respect on his part (if he is making you feel any way about your own food choices). But the respect for choices def. has to be mutual and I think when he sees there is no pressure, the guard will come down and he might be naturally curious =) Hope I helped somewhat. Good Luck to you!!!!! And hang in there!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by AndyRhae on July 22, 2008 at 11:21pm: I have found, that by not saying anything, I have done more good for my boyfriend than by constantly nagging him about his meals. It is quite common for him to say "I can't eat ____ now, it tastes too processed - I want fruit!" since I have gone raw. I haven't nudged, or goaded, or pushed at all. Let it be something YOU are doing. And then, once he sees good results, I'm sure he will follow. Isn't he kind of already? I mean, he is doing the smoothies, cutting out coffee [for the moment, but it could be permanent]. Who knows what could follow if you let him find out himself? Or even just offer some minimal encouragement - Like, "Hey, your skin is looking better." Or, "You know, since you've been eating more fruits n veggies, I've noticed that you're looking pretty good; Have you lost any weight?" Just little stuff like that shows him the benefits he stands to reap on a raw, or more raw, diet.

I mean, I am afraid of the distance that could possibly grow between my boyfriend and me. But really, isn't there always something that could do that? And in this case, it isn't another woman, it isn't a job, or something typical. It's a food choice, and that can easily be compromised on. I mean, just talk to him. Give him little encouragements. Let him know it makes you happy when you see him eating healthy and doing what's good for his body. And really, you should also talk to him about hunting. Ask him why he loves it, and how he feels, and what his motivations are - just because they are different fro myour own doesn't lessen their validity. If he is going to understand and be accepting of your diet [which I hope he is], then it is only fair to be open and understanding of his choices.

Really, if you communicate, and pass along positive messages, I don't think there is any other way but for him to migrate into a more raw diet [maybe even totally]. Just let it happen at its own pace, you know? Support one another and see where it goes. That alone should bring you two closer, and not further apart.

Peace, Love, and Well Being,
-Andy; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by jen on August 7, 2008 at 10:44pm: i don't know what is right for you. i will not and would not judge you so i can only share with you my experience. my experience with my meat eating, cooked food husband who seems to be genuinly (but slowly) moving in a more raw direction is this:

i love him
i love him completely and adoringly
he is perfect in everyway, including all his imperfections.
he loves me completely and adoringly.
so i don't care what he eats, except that i want him to live and be healthy.
i cann't controle him,
even if i 'talk' about nutrition to much he feels it's a lecture
so i have to be gentle, patient, forgiving, excepting
i dust away my thoughts and love HIM - as HE isn't the food on his plate
i am lucky, as he supports me in everyway with my diet and life, and like i said above, he seems genuily interested in moving in this direction.
we've made some comprimises....
1 - he had to stop drinking pop, it was killing me. he excepted
2 - i make him a green smoothie (loaded with nutrition) every morning, and he drinks it all
3 - i let him guide himself, in his own time with the rest of his diet

by the way, he has told me that by me not pushing, judging, expecting him to be raw, it actually makes him feel fore and more open to it.

one thing i can say is, i love him so much that i don't want to be bossy to him (at least as little as possible). so all i can do is love each and every day i have with him while we are both alive.
he is an individual and i respect that. i love him more than any need to have a raw partner.

note: i also truely believe that the raw cacao and green smoothies i make for him will gradually draw him down the path of health....and it has! he is moving along, just at a pace that works for him, and i don't question him about that. and i except totally if he does not go all the way.

one more note: of course i have changed by becomming raw. i've become more happy and loving and clean feeling. not more judging.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by GoldieLola on September 8, 2008 at 7:53pm: Wow Jen.
I was reading this thread and had to reread your post.
I feel the same way about my significant other.Really made me think.
I am slowly bringing him around with smoothies and raw meals although sometimes he has them as a side dish with some fish etc. Your post made me re-examine how I treat him and even though I don't intentionally push I am sure there have been times I have and I love him too much to do so. Kinda wanna go hug him!
Thanks!; ▶ Reply to This