Why am I making this so hard for myself?

I know all the right answers and have way more information then I need on what to do and how to do it. I mean my body should be above and beyond what it is right now. What am I holding myself back from? 182lbs felt so alive, I mean that was far from my goal weight but I felt so damn good! I felt that finally my body was going in the right direction. But, then I had down time and that was all she wrote. It was like overnight...189lbs! I have worried over every little thing...from how to maintain a lifestyle on raw to how to make raw recipies. I have worried so much that I have still not completed one full day raw. What is wrong with me? This seems to be more about the mind then anything. This is a part of my journey that must be dealt with if I am going to move forward. Though there are many bad foods I have enjoyed in my life, I cannot honestly say they are things I cannot live without. For after the first item enters my mouth my satisfaction is complete. The rest is just the fact that it is there. Even now, I think of going to the closest fast food joint and wasting money on something else that will add on the calories I just spent an hour burning off. Working out and proper nutrition is hard! But, it is what i need in order to fit into the sexy outfits I have longed for. Not to mention the fact that your confidence sky rockets along with your energy levels. I mean, I have not been in a club for years and can't wait to rebuild my social life. With all these good things what the hell am I waiting for? You don't need a complicated recipe to make a killer smoothie or to have an awesome snack. And if I do want really easy ideas, there is a wealth of knowledge right here. So I, Selina a.k.a Raw Soldier, am fighting harder then I ever have for anything in my life to reach my goal weight of 145lbs by June 23rd, 2009 (Mommies birthday). All Raw foods or nothing at all! Loving all you more each and every day! Blessed be!