Strength

I noticed that I normally post a blog entry AFTER I've... indulged in food that's no good for me. Well, this isn't that. This is a preemptive, highly strategic plan and intention for super strength! I've noticed that before my moon time (monthly cycle), and before the full moon especially (when parasites lay their eggs, from 5 days before), the sugar cravings are at their highest. Ladies and gentleman, that is the phase I am entering into now. I feel like I am on drugs at the moment, for many environmental and physical reasons, so I need to do my best to find the most solid source of inner strength. I cannot trust my mind. I can trust deep breaths, sunshine, water, movement, kind words, and my ability to create soul nourishing experiences fearlessly (I havn't tapped it much lately, but its still here).

I do have a parasite busting plan- which involves homeopathy, charcoal, an intuitive, high raw, low glycemic diet (no plan for that, which may help, but I havn't had the frontal lobe compliance to create that), probiotics, and mineral supplements. I am also very close to leaving Montreal and landing in a healing intentional community! I have two real options being presented to me now, wish I didn't feel so serious about all this. I wish I understood why this year was so hard too... but for now I can be grateful as I am moving somewhere I will be much more supported for my healing. The choices are either a wilderness therapy program in Utah, or an apprenticeship at a living foods eco-spiritual sanctuary in Ontario. I am working with an educational consultant who will help me 'program hop' for the next few months as I acclimate to a healthier lifestyle. I don't yet know which program to choose... but at the moment am more concerned with how to love myself enough to withstand the storm of sugar cravings until it passes over. Deep breathe. Deep breathe. Which foods kill not only parasites but their eggs? Deeeeep breath. Breeeatttthe.

Wish me strength and empowerment!

It's hard to feel nourished in this cold, urban landscape. Maybe I will write today... write the story I have been writing... oh... piercing phone ring, deeper breath. I feel irritable but don't know if those are unresolved issues with family members, or if its a direct symptom of the war zone in my gut. Can parasites evolve into probiotics? I'm not counting on it! Today I pray for sunshine, courage, and a miracle. And silence. Please, universe, send me on my way.