some silly quotes :)

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright


Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
--Sue Murphy

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
-Bruce Baum

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeners.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)


You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra


Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
- Yogi Berra

Contrary to popular belief, "Damn It" is not God's last name.
(Construction wall, Philadelphia, 1969)

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler

Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers.
- Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.

Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.
- Mark Knopfler.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.
- Barrymore.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Dick Cavett

When you come to a fork in the road, take it!
- Yogi Berra


Congratulations to American Astronaut Shannon Lucid, she now holds the American record for most time in space. Of course, the old record was held by Jerry Garcia."
- Spaceballs (Dark Helmet)

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields.

It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
- Dolph Sharp



Oxymorons:

We are not anticipating any emergencies.


It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.


Act natural.


This report is filled with omissions.


I can't remember having a more memorable time.


No one goes to that restaurant anymore
--it's always too crowded.


By definition, one divided by zero is undefined.


I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
- Katherine Cebrian

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben


Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dave Barry

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President. (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
- David Letterman

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
- Tommy Cooper


Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."


I tried to think but nothing happened!
- Curly

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Jon Hammond

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.
- Dick Cavett

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- Fletcher Knebel

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943

The covers of this book are too far apart.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

:)