You know when you’re on a detox and you get that, ‘Oh, I can’t have that‘ mentality about something you’re desiring?
You know, the voice in your head that says you can’t have it…you’re not allowed it…that’s ‘bad‘… The voice that actually just makes you want the fucking thing even more? Probably more than if you weren’t actively trying to avoid it? It’s a bit like fancying married men. Kind of. Ok, poor analogy. Don’t judge… Or send hate mail.
Us humans we’re funny creatures. The minute you tell us we can’t have something, we want it. Blame Adam and Eve, they totally started it! Yeah, way to go guys! Nice fucking work.
The other night, whilst on my detox thang, my mum was drinking some red wine. I have quite the infatuation with red wine, and by Neptune I wanted some. I managed to hold out for a while as the red wine dipped in and out my conscious awareness, tempting me with it’s deep rich woody undertones. I kept telling myself to stop being ridiculous, I’m detoxing. Then something inside me weakened. My resolve disintegrated and before you could say ‘cheeky wee glass o’ Merlot’, I found myself through in the kitchen with the bottle in my hand, ready to pour.
I looked at the bottle. And in my mind, clear as day, the words:
What the fuck am I doing?
In that moment, I stopped. In that moment of pre-realisation, that cut through the very fabric of space and time, the following questions flew through my mind:
How will I feel after I’ve drunk this?
What is it I want to achieve by drinking this? Is there another way?
Do I really need this?
How will I sleep if I have it? Side note: Sleep is very fucking important to me right now.
How will I feel one hour from now? How will I feel tomorrow?
It’s in this moment, the moment you just stop before you act – to ponder, to question, to become CONSCIOUS – it’s in this moment you find your power.
Answering these questions, feeling the truth of my responses, made me put that bottle down and go back to what I was doing. The craving had lost its power. Just by creating space between thought and action.
So if you find yourself in this situation, just PAUSE for a moment. Another minute won’t change anything. Give yourself one minute to ask those questions. To become aware.
And if you decide YES, I do need/want this fucking wine, I don’t care how I’ll feel after it, I’m gonna drink it and FUCK IT, then great! At least that decision is a conscious one. Conscious eating (and drinking) is what we’re all about, right? Then your action has come from a place of awareness, rather than mindlessly playing out behavioural patterns.
So if you want it, have it. Honour that part of you that says yes to the red wine (or whatever) in that moment. Accept it.
Because the more you try and tell that part of you that it is wrong, the more it will fight back for your acceptance. LOVE it to death, baby!
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