Feeling Desperate and Trapped

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Comment by Johnny on May 26, 2009 at 9:59am

"struggling with chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety attacks (more recently again), candida, adrenal fatigue, and probably parasites among other things!"
Been there, done that - all of it. Depression is the worst, isn't it. People who haven't experienced real depression often talk of being depressed when they are sad or upset. But, oh wow, real depression - the kind when it feels like an elephant sitting on your chest, a crushing weight that stifles any happy thoughts - that's real depression. You are definitely not alone in that feeling. Trapped and desperate - yes, I remember that too. I experienced all this when I was younger like you. But there's good news !! You can and will get through this, and many happy days and years await you. Once I started to come out of the depression, one of the most helpful thoughts was "I am not trapped, I always have options." You have to believe that, because it is true.

I also have no insurance nor money, and I hear you on that one too. Health care, even raw food/spiritual retreat health care is only for the rich and well to do, isn't it. Well, we can do it on our own. We can find our own way for free. A beautiful delicious, raw (mostly raw) diet is key. No food is going to be a magic bullet where you wake up the next day and everything is miraculously better. It takes time, but it will work. The dietary advice posted by your well-wishers above is all good, I agree. Probably most important though, is to get up, get out, and be active. Keep taking those walks. Best to hike through nature. I love bike rides, they are still exhilarating for me. On days when you just cannot seem to muster up the energy to do that, then get up and do it anyhow - those are the times you need it most. And keep gardening, yeah gardening!!!

Hey, you are doing the right things. Just being able to come out here and lay it all out and ask for support is a huge, courageous step. You'll get through this and the world will be better for your knowledge and experience in how to be healthy. Anyone who has the high consciousness to take up a healthy raw food outlook on life is already way ahead of the curve.

All love and diving blessings to you, dear.

Comment by Caffypops on May 26, 2009 at 12:20am

Sending you love and peace. Hang on in there. XXX

Comment by Universe City on May 25, 2009 at 9:50pm

I like Mellifera's comment a lot. There is something to be said about nature. I was really sick last year, depressed because of it and boys can just add to the issue. Breaking free of old paradigms and healing wounds is so important. Sometimes I felt all I needed was a hug. If no one has offered you a hug today, if no one has told you that they love you just the way you are I want to. Yeshua always told me he loved me in my darkest day. I know that to be true.
Back to Mellifera's comment... Farming is good for the soul. Soil is great.
Sarah

Comment by Lindsay on May 25, 2009 at 6:29pm

I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time right now... I'm no expert so I can't offer you too much health advice, but try to eat foods that nourish you. when I get depressed and stressed out, I have the tendency to eat foods that I know don't settle well with me. maybe it's a self-destructive thing? just remember that you always feel better after a fresh, raw meal and lots of greens! try not to let food be another thing that stresses you out though... and I also find that a quiet walk, run, or bike ride is pretty therapeutic... so are positive affirmations. I believe you can pull yourself out of this... I'm thinking of you :)

Comment by Aric Strong on May 25, 2009 at 6:19pm

I understand you completely. I have currently given in to certain addictions, just so I can hold down a job long enough to move from this town, and so I can eat raw-organic food. I'm not sure exactly what the future has in store for me. I have a few friends who have overcome serious addiction and mental illness with raw and superfoods and cleansing. But it was a long, hard road for them. Other people heal faster, everyone is different.

I'm somewhere in the melee right now.

I just took a few online tests for BPD and scored very high.

Comment by sabrina on May 25, 2009 at 5:49pm

I didn't mention I also have Borderline Personality Disorder (which is really hard for me to admit). This creates many other problems. I may do well for 3 days, then have 2 of suicidal ideation and binging. I really dont feel capable of getting out of this.

What the hell is a person to do when they have no insurance, mental and physical health problems that are only suppressed with meds? How am I to really heal? I have no idea. I like these ideas people have. I've tried many of them. I have been spending the past year doing meditation, reading books on spirituality, taking walks, trying to be positive, etc.. but I always end up back here (depression and self destruction) never making any real progress. Its just sad that there are people who WANT help, and are willing to put in the hard work, yet there's nothing for them. Sometimes you just cant do it alone!

Comment by Rawzilla on May 25, 2009 at 4:40pm

Sabrina,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. You're not alone. I am dealing with all this too--including adrenal fatigue--and it went out of control when I went on HIGH FRUIT. When you are this out of balance, you do need a radical overhaul of diet, because the yeast syndrome throws the entire endocrine system out of whack.

When it happened to me, lots of people came forward on GITMR and said they went through it too. I learned that high raw and high fruit does not work for everyone.

If there is one thing I have learned, anxiety, panic attacks, and crazy depression are very much connected to diet (and any toxins that you may have been exposed to).

If you can get to a doctor or any health care provider, especially a nutritionist, who specializes in the yeast syndrome, that would be your best bet. If not, get a copy of The Yeast Connection, The Body Ecology Diet, or Staying Healthy with Nutrition to help you make daily food choices to help rebuild your immune system, kill the yeast, and stop the madness and pain.

You will be able to have fruit again once your body restores its balance of bacteria and yeast.

The best foods for this scenario are lots of raw salads, lots of protein (you may not be digesting at well) including eggs, and NO fruit or vinegar except apple cider vinegar. No alcohol, even in liquid supplements.

In the meantime, the following supplements are absolutely wonderful for panic attacks and depression:

St. John's Wort
Valerian (excellent for anxiety)
Tryptophan (helps you fall asleep)
Melatonin (helps you fall asleep)
Calcium/Magnesium (calming--great if you can get via IV, it will seriously chill you out)
Kava Kava (for anxiety)

Make sure you get alcohol-free supplements (if you get liquid forms).

Aside from diet, I have found that going into the woods is very healing. Plants and trees are truly healing. Just sit among them.

If you are able to exercise--just "show up" for something and your body will start to move, even if you think you can't (that often works for me), it should bring you great relief. A walk, a dance class, the gym, anything that could bring your body into movement.

You are not alone. Make your retreat with what you have for now.

Blessings.

Comment by Nell on May 25, 2009 at 4:23pm

Hang in there.

Comment by tushie on May 25, 2009 at 3:58pm

thinking of you too, i have been there as well, particularly suffered with
chronic candida which resulted in terrible depression and fatigue. i think all of the above is sound advise. for me connecting with other people and talking, just mixing with friends , getting out of the 4 walls into nature is so incredibly healing, though its hard when u feel this way. you defo need to tackle the candida when you feel up to it. an amazing resource for me is candida-cure-recipes.com, it was the best and most inspiring read on candida i found and i read alot! you will get through this and come out the other side. thinking of you, sending much love and strength x

Comment by ben "the beekeeper" stiller on May 25, 2009 at 3:47pm

i'm really sorry.

this is my suggestion. doing "high raw" might be difficult for someone with all these issues -- and it sounds like you have pretty bad system yeast issues. anyway, what follows comes from my own experience and those of others close to me who have done similar protocols with a local doctor here in the dc/baltimore area:

first thing first: get off any fruit, starches, and sugars (including agave, honey, etc.) immediately.

once you're out f your current emergency and when you feel ready, do a cleanse of green juices (no fruit) and colon cleansing (psyllium seeds to flush out toxins) & coffee enemas (twice a day to detox liver). drink only juice and water. herbal teas are fine. no caffeine, fruits, or other garbage. do this for a week, if possible. this is best done at home with no obligations (take off from work).

then start on a strict diet for 2-3 weeks of only veggies (non-starchy) and high quality proteins (fish or animal is best because of carbohydrates in beans & tofu/tempeh is okay). eat at least 2 salads a day with raw sauerkraut or other fermented veggies. raw yogurt or kefir is good if you do dairy. start taking a good probiotics and other supplements. if you can find a good doc, get started on anti-yeast pharmaceutical like nyastatin. keep cleansing colon and liver too.

then start adding fruit back in your diet, but only and no more than 2 servings a day of berries, grapefruit, lemon, lime, and green apples. start adding other things back as you feel ready but don't overdo any sweets.

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