Depressed. Need to escape :(

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Comment by Sharon Hoehner on March 1, 2009 at 1:03am

Hope you're feeling better by now Carrie. I lived in Germany for ten years and the greyness is tough to deal with. I found a ground floor apartment with a beautiful garden and I painted my kitchen a bright, light green (Mai Gruen). I used a big sponge in circular type design mixed with water and put some apples and leaves all around the top. That room kept me happy even in the winter. I lived around the corner from a fruit market so bought boxes of oranges and made lots of orange juice. Went to the Sonnenbank when I got really depressed. On weekends we always tried to go either horseback riding or just walking in the forest. Here we have bears and cougars and there's no way I'd walk in forests here without a gun! My daughter and her friend came close to a bear attack while camping in the summer. The bear destroyed someone's tent. Thankfully no one was in there.

The pollution was so horrible in our city that we finally had to leave but I still miss it. There's many positives to Germany. Believe it or not the violent crimes are much less in Germany than here! I felt safe at 2 in the morning walking downtown. I'd never do that in our little village here. One of my daughter's friends was punched in the face by two men. Another woman was brutally raped. This is our reality in Canada and we're in a town with less than 2000 people. I'd take Germany any time.

Many Germans are verbally aggressive but they are more loyal and have far more integrity than many people. They're just not very polite. Well, here everyone is polite but they lie to your face and are dishonest. Very sad. Why can't people just be perfect? LOL!

Hope you find some nice people to hang out with. I wish I had kept in touch with people when I moved but I didn't so now I've lost track of most people in Germany. I met some really cool people in my travels there.

Take care, spring is almost here! I might go to Germany in May. Depends. We're also looking for a new place to live and that's a good time to move. Sigh.........

Comment by Carrie on January 19, 2009 at 4:24pm

Thank you so much for your response, Diana. Yes, it's so good to see all the people here in this community sharing love and respect and peace. I think everybody wants that. But most out there seem to be just blind - blinded by the drugs they're taking in, by the junk on their tables and on tv, by the lies politicians and doctors are telling them. Somebody once said that everybody is a little buddha inside. So I try to see them that way. Everybody could evolve.
What are you working with animals? I also love them and get along with them much better than with human beings.
So thank you, my little "freak". I appreciate your support very much :)

Comment by Diana on January 19, 2009 at 11:57am

Hi Carrie. I am so glad you are feeling better today. I read your post and could certainly relate to many of your feelings. I am fortunate to live in South Florida where it is warm and sunny -- but besides the weather, I don't think much else changes when it comes to humanity. Here it is a VERY materialistic part of the world. Money is EVERYTHING to the people here. What car they drive, what house they live in, what jewelry they wear. The women will run you over on the road to get to their manicure appointment on time. And also there is lots of crime, even though the weather is beautiful. I like to read comments by people and they say to only see the good, but sometimes I have found it inescapable to not see the bad, it is just everywhere. I work with animals and that is my join in life, to save animals, although all day long I also have a business and wish that I could just work with animals all the time. Unlike people, they are not filled with greed and hatred. They are filled with innocence and love. I have found my solice in animals because I have certainly not been able to find it in people. That is also why I love this community. The people here are different. They are not filled with greed and hatred. In the "real" world I sometimes feel like a freak. Here I feel like I am among friendly, like-minded people. Please know that you are not the weird one or the one with a problem. If you did not get down from everything you see, then you would be just like them. And certainly you don't want that.

Comment by Carrie on January 19, 2009 at 10:03am

Back again. I felt so much better today and I am sure it's also because of all of your wonderful comments and your support! I feel so grateful for that! Must have been a little "being down" day because normally I get along so well and I haven't been depressed for years (I have been years ago). But I guess a depression has also something positive in it...it encourages me to think about my current situation and to change. I am really looking out for consantly changing my life to the better. And I know that someday I will live in the beautiful surrounding I love to be., Since I know what I want it is going to happen.
So - THANK YOU again, can't say that enough.
Love and hugs to you ***

Comment by Carrie on January 18, 2009 at 11:57pm

Thanks to all of you!!! I feel overwhelmed and I appreciate that so much! Right now I have little time because I have to go to work in a few minutes, but I will answer all of you later. For now all of your answers have really helped me so much and lightened up my greyness!
Warm hugs **

Comment by Rawblueangel on January 18, 2009 at 8:40pm

Lovely Carrie,

You look so pretty, so beautiful, so radiant and you have beautiful eyes gorgeous ones, please don't feel that depressed, i live also in an area that is grey and also people are cold one with each other, i live in Slovakia, Bratislava,(originally from Romania), in a part of Bratislava that reminds me of Communism, i know how you feel right now, although i can take a lot of stress and sad things, there is still a little sadness deep inside, i have two room mates in the apartment, you cannot believe how depressed they get many times, of course one of them drinks alcohol like it is water, but you can see on his face the sadness and also he cannot focus when he talks, the other one is a Prozac fan, he can get so depressed many times that he can freeze water with his depression, even though i see this almost every 2 or 3 days i have only pure thoughts and positive energy, many times he was stressed and depressed because i was to calm and to nice :)), to make you smiley and more happy i hug you with love, and i give you this beautiful flower, i cover you with my wings and I'll be watching over you.

I don't feel so great where i live, everything seems to be sooo depressing, no color, no joy, you can see on people's face the sadness and how unhappy they are, maybe we can talk and to be a good friend and a good listener to help you to get through this,

I didn't know anyone here in Bratislava, no raw foodies, i met some very nice people on GI2MR, this is my Joy, i love that i found this community and the positive energy, i try to spread the word about raw food the benefits and how people can change their angerness and sadness into happiness and raw pure energy, i know that you feel lonely and maybe you would love to have someone close to you, close to your hart, someone who can whisper you beautiful things especially now. I am with you, i will merge into you thoughts and if there will be any sadness in your thoughts i will change them into a big flower bouquet.
As for me i am on my own , i sell juicers and also some natural products, i don't make so much money, 'cause people here drink a lot and eat so much sad food, but still i try to be positive, this is what helped me through out my life, my Past was as grey as your area, i had only sadness in my life,not because i was a bad person, just because i was around sad and unhappy people, but i tried every time to be positive and to have pure thoughts,

If this will help you i can come to your work, if they hire me i will work with you side by side, i understand a little German, not that much, but it's not that difficult to learn how to speak, basic words are really easy, like you said people are afraid to show some feelings, some positive energy, the system made so many people cold one with each other, i want to help people become healthy,too, I had many health problems, serious ones, i know how it is to be ill, i also want to have my own land to grow my own food, to enjoy a fresh and tasty fruit or vegetable, and of course to have nice and caring people around me.

Warm hugs for you Carrie and i send you some very nice pictures

Kindly Peter

Comment by Michka on January 18, 2009 at 5:43pm

I send you some warm sun from the most southern tip of Africa.....!! I live on a farm ,I swam in the cold ocean today and felt the warm sun on my skin ,I have so much of the things you dream of......yet when I came home tonight I had a huge comfort eating Cheese sandwich.........because there was a emptiness in my heart.

I think what we all need is some love. So with the sun I also send you a big hug and hang in there !!!! you have so much to be grateful for , so do I. My grandmother always use to say....if you want love...give love....!!!! so if you want a hug...go give a hug. and get the hell out of that grey ugly miserable place if you can......!!!! sometimes I look at the people here that sell bread and life in a place with no water or electricity and danger lurking around the next corner...they cannot even afford fruit.....and are just so grateful to even get bread to eat.

yet they sing click songs with there African language and laugh all the way up to their eyes...and they are happy...because when they get home they have LOVE. little fat children ,a grandfather , meme...a mother ,and a whole community of people that love and care...and take the grey away.

lots of love from Africa. hope you feel better!!! this is my best english....

Comment by Jennifer on January 18, 2009 at 6:10am

I can relate. I have read over and over that the real art to living joyfully is finding joy in the mundane. I am also in a bleak, cold damp climate. I miss the sun and being outside with my kids. I miss a warm house! lol. With three small children, no money and no friends / family to ask for help it's just me and the kids 24 - 7, in the house, in the rain and cold..... so I try to get inventive for them and remind myself that our physical circumstances allow us to refine our capabilities and hone our ability to be present. Cultivating presence is a practice. It takes time and your circumstance is a perfect one to start. That doesn't mean that you settle for a job that you dislike and stay in an environment that you find poisonous, but rather that you learn to free your mind and spirit from your body's situation. When your mind is clear and in a loving space then it is easier to manifest the reality you would like as you will not be focusing on an inner mantra of lack.

It is true about the greens and fats in cold climates. But then when I lived in California I ate even more greens then I do now. The grounding foods will help you feel more hospitable to yourself, and cope with the craziness of the city. I like warm raw soups and have a few recipes if you would like one. Why not look for a Bikram yoga center? I feel that Bikram is not a true yoga - but it helps me focus my mind and the warmth is healing. You might want to look into a bit of light therapy. We have a full spectrum light that we meditate in front of. Most importantly, the practice of finding gratitude and presence in the most mundane and aggravating of tasks will FREE YOUR MIND AND SPIRIT. Your job allows you to service people in a way that is typically taken for granted. By allowing yourself to simply be in the service of people, regardless of their attitude, you make room within yourself for greater love, compassion and forgiveness. Consider that every one of those people is instrumental in helping you become a better doctor by simply serving without reward. check out our website: www.adamkleinberg.com

Much love and peace on your journey.