Day 4 - Ultimate Cleanse

Cravings and Memories
I just had a break-through. I decided to take the craving-busting advice I was giving to my boy: "Sit down and write." So I sat and wrote. "My Relationship with Food", I titled the piece, then began listing ALL of my memories of food. I started from my first memory and went from there, writing what I'd eaten, who with, and - most importantly - how I felt at the time. I noted which foods I craved when I remembered and which I couldn't care less about.

Half way through my life I began to notice a trend. As well as being full of fat, the foods I crave are foods I mostly ate on my own when depressed OR with somebody when I was feeling socially cool and a little nervous. Like, "I am kinda cool, it's exciting because this person I'm with is cool and could leave any minute, but right now they're choosing to be with me!! COOL! Nom nom nom."

I sat with the memories that created cravings, and lived them out over and over, each time letting go of the emotions of the memory until the cravings past. Then onto the next memory. This totally worked. Next time I get a craving for something in particular, I'll sit down and remember all the times I ate it EVER and find which memories have emotional triggers.

Another interesting note is that no memory of chocolate came up, even though I've certainly eaten a lot of it during my life.
Also, most of the foods I crave are beige. What a healthy colour....

Day Four
So the rest of the day wasn't great. It was better than Day Three. But like, if Day Three was the physical detox, then Day Four was the emotional detox. I had an emotional outburst (something like an anxiety attack but more violent and scary) at about 1pm. I threatened to go eat a gigantic bowl of pasta and cheese (cheese!! ugh! This dish certainly came up a LOT in my memories). The boy was very brave and helped stop me :) I felt exhausted from then on in. Lots of self-pity. Luckily, the internal monologue has calmed the fuck down and an inner-peace started to come over me by about 4pm. I got a better perspective on my emotions and was able to get through the day without too much confusion or pain.

It was a more productive than Day Three, that's for sure. I cleaned the lounge room and the dining room, neither of which are particularly hard rooms to clean, but try telling me that on Day Three, oh how I would have laughed. The Dreaded Yoga Room might come last, once I've won some smaller victories over less chaotic rooms.

I did do some yoga, morning and night, in my lovely clean lounge room...

Feeling quite stiff, lots of sore spots in my back, especially after the emotional spak-attack. Pimples are being pimply. The little ones have all cleared up, all that's left is a small patch of irritated-feeling ones and a big bazonka on my chin. I can't imagine it getting any worse so it should clear up from here on in.

Poop Report
Again, woke up with a tummy ache from the too-strong senna tea and pooped crazy. That was sometime in the morning, way too early for me to check my clock, but there was sunlight. "Better out than in!" I said to myself cheerily. The Salt Water Flush had decent results and the last "passing" of the day was clear! I'm sure that won't last as a trend, but it was surprising.

About the Cleanse
Some of you seem interested in my cleanse. I'll make a post next with what I'm actually doing. Most of all it's the Master Cleanse, but I felt I needed a bigger focus than just the physical side, so I've made it an emotional and spiritual cleanse as well. I'm finding it A LOT easier than when I just focus on physical outcomes. Maybe it keeps the mind busy. Details to come soon :)

If anybody has any advice or ideas on emotional cleanses, please let me know!
Also, cravings advice! Always really, really keen to hear some hints :)

- Tegan