Lately I have felt helpless...
I feel like I need to grow as a person, yet the world around me is keeping me in one place. Since coming back home from New Zealand, although I have a lot of support in some ways - financially, socially, my needs are being met. But as much as I try to settle into a life here with the people I have grown up with and have given me the love they were able to give to me, there is something in me saying: "there is more out there."
What happens when the people around you manipulate the things around you to a state that makes you unhappy in some ways. You cannot control others, but you can control your environment. Is leaving the answer? Is it ok to let go? And will you carry it around with you anyway, despite the distance?
When I was traveling, I had less support in many ways, but I was free of the proximate angst that one may find when they are surrounded with people who refuse to make any effort to develop and take care of this troubled planet. I deeply believe that these people need more love, they need even more than someone who isn't troubled, but how does one find it in them to give that love to those that damage, hurt and cause pain - to others but mostly to themselves. How do you build yourself up enough to give to others, when perhaps those others are tearing you down in some ways? How do you watch people hurt themselves and not say anything, not take any action, and just be?
These are some of the things I must meditate on this holiday season. Can one still grow as the world around them spins madly on...
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