Having the best life ever!

As the title says I'm feeling good! Today I read a chat on here started up by non other than Charles about Christina Applegate and her struggles with breast cancer. http://www.giveittomeraw.com/forum/topic/show?id=1407416%3ATopic%3A396544&page=1&commentId=1407416%3AComment%3A396602&x=1#1407416Comment396602

After reading the chat I was ready to log my computer off and wallow in my old sorrows. Then I remembered that I've made the decision to not mourn anymore, that doesn't mean that I've decided to be an open book either. I didn't expect to feel like expressing myself, but i do now. I guess I've had enough time to heal.

Death my dears is a reality. But its not something worth fussing about. What's worth fussing about? Possibilities! Wonders! Life! Love! Hope! Health! I know that everything in life happens for a reason. I say this not because i'm oh so religious and believe that g*d planned for people to die at X time and he will take care of everything. NO!!!! This is not about g*d or what destiny has planned for us...(me). This is about what I have planned for me, since I have to live my life I must LIVE MY LIFE!

It doesn't matter what destiny has in store for me tomorrow. All i care about are "my" plans for myself and my plans for tomorrow. I'll just let destiny and whatever else "do what it do" as they say. I have big plans for me and it takes up a whole lot of my mental space to figure out how i'm going to make my visions a reality. There is no time to worry, no room for regrets. Death has taught me many great things. Pain teaches us that we are living. We live to learn. Learning is progression.

I am happy to learn, happy to live. Over the past few months I have fallen off of the raw wagon, big time! I've neglected myself. I had a ruff patch and I don't feel sad about the choices I made in those moment, even though they weren't the best ones. I did not have the strength to take care of myself when i was feeling sad. But when i found myself putting a piece of chicken to my lips a part of me felt disgusted. Not because i was eating meat but because the self sabotager in me had found a way to hurt me. I kicked myself when i was down. There is no death or pain worse the harm we can cause to ourself. When I was feeling sad and thinking to myself damn, my friend is gonna die or that I'll never see my uncle again. I didn't see much joy in life, but my friend did, my uncle did. They laughed, they lived. And I didn't get it then. I thought to myself there is no way in hell i'd find something to laugh at if i was about to die. How stupid of me, huh?! My friend Michelle lived for the moment, lived for a good laugh, lived to see the smile on her son's face. She lived for the small stuff. She lived for joy.

What do you live for?

I asked myself, what the hell do I live for. I thought I lived for that day... i live in hopes of having the best day ever, having the best life ever (its generic but true). Then a realized that i was aiming for an unrealistic moment. This IS the best life ever! How stupid of me to aim for something unattainable and completely dismiss the great moments I am having? My life is great. I've met wonderful people, I've touched wonderful souls, wonderful souls have touched me. I have fabulous loved ones. Yes life is filled with unfortunate things but its also bursting at the seems with energy and love! In order to experience all this good I have to experience things that aren't always pleasant in order to appreciate the abundance that i have.

Today I see my glass is more than half full and that makes me think..damn! I'm having the best day and the best life ever! There is simply no room for regrets!