I will think less......in appreciation

The more I see, the less words seems able to describe accurately. They flirt, nudging sentences into shape, cajoling what seems to be a truth to reveal itself. Then, quick as a whisper, what seems apparent whimsically disappears; a shifting kaleidoscope, rampant with beauty and confusion. Truth is tenuous, made of the space that collects all loveliness together. It leaves me unable to forget that it is forever unfolding with every breath we take. So why, I wonder, do I ever collude with trying to make of it a shape?

We live in the ineffable, as varied as the multiplicity of hearts that jostle beneath the same sky. Slippery details coalesce then re-arrange themselves, an ever evolving thesis as elastic as the universe.

There are days when something within me feels unable to continue; to find the 'juice' of continuity and purpose. But it is always there, somewhere, refinding itself.. There will be one moment in life when I slip from this crucible of body and ego and can't be sure if I will even notice it.

For now, whatever 'now' is :)- for all that statistics tell me the world is bursting at the seams with squillions of people, there is no-one in sight. I am surrounded by fields and lush green vegetation, flurries of dragonflies, flowers, foxes, rabbits, chickens and no whisper of another human. In random moments, I feel as though the sky and universe is here for just one purpose, to meet my skin and enter in. Oh- how egocentric this occasional illusion of alone-ness is!

An ant tracks the skin of my fore-arm, forging 'ever shoulder-ward in a frenzy of exploration. Drips of water pulse from the tap in the corner sink, the tick of a liquid clock. Silently, to my ears, I know my heart is beating and the earth, just beyond 'my' door, is bulging with rumpled dark kale as rich as the blood I cannot see flowing through me. I will pick it, quietly offering thanks; massage it in salt with hands I have taken for granted, as they are. I will drizzle the kale with oil cold-pressed in another country, and toss in a friendship of singing red tomatoes for company. And then I will sit at this solid, old and noble table, hewn from a tree that once sucked from the same earth, and offered the synthesis of light for breathing for others long gone before me.

And there, at this table, as the evening light lends itself to my seeing; as a slight breeze shifts the infinite leaves of trees in a soft applause that serenades me, I will harvest my blood and my well-being from the fruits of the earth and be filled anew with appreciation.

If all of this is illusion, as I have heard it said; what a feast!- what a rich and deep, seductive engagement. What an extraordinary expression of diversity; what immaculate embroidery!

I will think less of whether there is 'enough of this' of 'enough of that' for my 'ultimate well-being'. I will think less of 'what is this all about?'- or whether life is a multi-faceted conspiracy. I will think more on how beyond magical it seems to me to be that illusion can spawn so much, with such exquisite artistry and that, as part of this mystical package, the illusion of 'me' got included and 'to be'

Life is quirky, sometimes perky, sometimes murky and always a gem. Now, where were all those words I can never find to say what I mean again? :)

love love love to you x x x x x