Baby =]'s Blog (6)

I had a compulsion to destroy the people I loved. To crack away at fragments. I was sadistic and masochisitc and it was self-inflicted. Because if I destroyed myself then there was nothing for anyone else to take, for anyone to destroy. If I broke them down, I could dig myself a way out, if I left then they couldn't leave me, if I hated them it wouldn't hurt when they hated me. I used to be so volatile, pushing at people, twisting them up. I had so much insecurity inside of me, I felt I was so d… Continue

Fuck, I love Shirley Manson & Courtney Love. It's like we have gone backwards in the music world, there are no powerful female role models in music. Just women slutting it up in their underwear or getting all cute, with an inability to sing about anything but love songs. It's so pathetic, it just teaches kids to act like hos, where are they going to develop spunk and character - it's just like you're a sex object, you shouldn't be expressive about dominance, hatred, pain - there is no hones… Continue

Trade Baby Blues, for Wide-Eyed Browns I sleep in your old shirts And walk through this house in your shoes It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you some cute ass lyrics, I needed a place to put em. enjoy sexy raw bitches =] I just want to be free of myself. Continue

I need a new lover. I want a lover that can make me feel how I want to feel, make me loose control, make me go insane, I want a boy that's just cocaine. RIP Kurt Cobain. I want a loveee like Kurt and Courtney's. haha. I have to get my derriere to the city. My friend, is all 'hey baby! come to the city and we will be rolling again that would be so wicked!' hot damn, is this boy freshhh, he's loosing himself to ket though... if only I could help, but hey he's so interested in raw...so maybe i'… Continue

Well it's good that I have realized the reality of my life thanks to detox. I have a lot of friends, but I feel bored and lonely most of the time. I feel cold and bored - there are my base emotions. That isn't who I am though, with the people I love, when I am relaxed and happy and myself - I am so alive, so full of zest and fun and passion. But ever since being depressed, I feel like my personality has died - I need to be confident. If I go back to cooked this is me. Lonely, cold, a pussy, st… Continue

I'm so tired of my parents being so ridiculous. My dad called me selfish! LOL. I tried really hard to people please, I got so upset at the thought of making anyone unhappy because of this that I cried. Why should I feel miserable because it makes my 'family' feel comfortable? How sick is that. They don't see me as I am, they never understand this, I give them evidence - they are just sheep. They don't get that it information is just as important as where it comes from - the motives of the person… Continue