Dealing with jealous friends

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Permalink Reply by sparrowrose on July 21, 2009 at 5:58pm

You're not alone. I'm still obese but I've lost 112 pounds and I get the comments about how I'm getting too skinny and the catty remarks about how I need to buy new clothes (I'm sorry, I'm not going to waste money on a lot of clothes that will be too big in a few more months) and hints that I've got an eating disorder.

I also get really rude comments about how I'm missing all the "good stuff", accompanied by a disgustingly pornographic display of them eating a cream doughnut with almost sexual glee and making loud yummy noises and when they get no reaction, finally getting angry with me and saying they don't see how I can "live without any pleasure."

Even at church, where I would have hoped for Christian compassion, I get scripture quoted at me about how Saint Peter's vision told us that we can eat anything. (I respond with Saint Paul's verse that "all things are lawful to me but not all things are profitable." but it still stings that my sisters are trying to use our religion to lead me off the path of health and back into the fatness and sickness I was mired in.)

I'm proof that it doesn't matter what size you are, if it's smaller than you used to be, some people will respond unpleasantly.

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Permalink Reply by AwesomeUniverse!!! on July 21, 2009 at 6:50pm

Hang in there and be strong girls! There is more to life than creme donuts and you're lucky you are on the en"lightened" path!

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Permalink Reply by Sarah on July 21, 2009 at 7:37pm

Sparrowrose -
You should send your church friends to Daniel chapter 1.

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Permalink Reply by Kaitlin Smith on July 22, 2009 at 2:56am

I get that from people too and am pretty close to your weight and height. I'm in college and my friends aren't especially health conscious or knowledgeable about raw vegan and will occasionally make a jab at me about my being too skinny or too preoccupied with being healthy (um...WTF?!). I can often get discouraged living in a setting where consuming obscene amounts of beer, pizza, and other questionable free foodstuffs are the measure of normalcy. When someone says something about my lifestyle, I just try to emphasize that while my approach might differ from the mainstream, I feel great and I want to affirm life rather than negate it by engaging in activities and doing things that suck my life energy. I think that some of my friends have not been comfortable with my position but I don't think that those few were really my friends in the first place. Since it seems pretty clear that your friends are jealous, maybe suggesting a book to them in an offhanded manner could give them a window into your reasons for leading your lifestyle and offer them tools for coming to more informed conclusions on the matter even if the do not choose to alter their lifestyles immediately.

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Permalink Reply by Abhi - ThisVeryMoment on July 22, 2009 at 4:40am

It has less to do with jealousy and more to do with loss of identity.

Your "aware" choices are making them "aware" of the better path. That path of committed clean life is scary... Why? Known pain is always easier and better than Unknown possible pleasure... It is their sense of loss of identity / ego.

With an increase in your frequency / energy / vibration .. people will either love you and want to learn from you and seek ur help or be uncomfortable in your space.. because the presence of that higher vibration forces them to come out of their denial.

Hence, when anyone comes in close proximity with an Enlightened Master they go through extreme behavior... that extreme is an opportunity to become a conscious being or be re-caught in the mind.

The ego is very powerful and will try to hold on to any old sense of self i.e. sense of identity it can..

The auto defense mechanism is what you are seeing and experiencing.

Whether its raw food or veg food or someone leaving alcohol or smoking or some other thing that people IDENTIFY with.. religion, music, politics, pop culture etc.
e.g. I get humorous flak a lotta times from friends on why I dont DRINK. I smile it off..

PS: To understand this better pick up any spiritual book that talks about the self v/s ego battle. Power of Now is one.

Let your smile not be stolen by peoples realities.

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Permalink Reply by Sharon on July 22, 2009 at 11:13am

wow, what powerful words and so beautifully written! When you are writing your book? ;-)

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Permalink Reply by Kaitlyn on July 22, 2009 at 4:42am

This has been the most frustrating thing in going raw. After months of giving in to others judgements I have come to the point where i really dont care what anyone thinks anymore. This is MY journey, I feel blessed to be on this journey, and I know that it is the best one for me in this moment of time. I also have become tired of being judged. I believe it is more important to be true to yourself, then to what society deems as normal.

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Permalink Reply by Sarah on July 22, 2009 at 9:12am

Thanks, everyone, for your comments. I'm glad to be able to talk about this.

The idea of it having more to do with identity is interesting. I'll be chewing on that (ha! cute pun) today while I meditate.

Kaitlyn/ Kaitlin, I also see it as a good exercise in learning to walk on my own feet without giving in to the fears and desires of others. That's always been a difficult one for me. Heightened awareness in my case means being even more aware of how uncomfortable I make others. I squirm in my own skin when I make someone else uncomfortable. I'd rather do almost anything in the world than be the source of that, even when it's for a 'good cause'. I am learning to take up space in the world, and that is a hard lesson for me. I deeply admire others who have the courage to be what they are, but I always feel like an arrogant jerk when I do it.

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Permalink Reply by Sharon on July 22, 2009 at 11:01am

You are not alone. I see this with clients all the time. It's why I encourage them to explore the social and emotional impact of making the change before they make the physical change to what they are eating. Most people change what they eat, incur reactions from well-meaning friends and family, go back to eating cooked food or eating due to social pressure, and then having bad feelings about it.

This is not a diet. It is a lifestyle change. We need to change physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually (if that applies. And if it doesn't you may find that that also changes as you eat differently).

Most people who are interested in this ask me if I have recipes. I do. And I gently explain that when they are stressed out or at social gatherings, the right recipe is not going to save them.

Check my website: www.wildsuccess.us and if you're inclined, give me a call. We can chat briefly.

Sharon

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