Finding wholeness

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Permalink Reply by tushie on May 9, 2009 at 1:25pm

hi kaitlyn, i can totally relate to what youre saying, ive battled with body image issues all my life, and i mean serious self hatred! i used booze to numb myself for years, becoming more and more unhappy, and more disconnected from myself everyday till i hardly knew myself anymore. its an ongoing battle for me but switching to raw food, kicking my booze habit so i can REALLY feel and not hide but deal with my pain whilst practising gentle compassion with myself has helped and is helping me so much and i finally feel like im beginning to heal bit by bit... day by day im determind to be conscious and present in my body! the binging is a hard one i still do but less and less these days as my heart and spirit feel lighter and brighter on raw so everything else starts to become less appealing over time, also i recommend the book 'raw emotions' by angela stokes on her journey from morbid obesity to raw, shes an inspiration ive just finished it and found it tremendously healing to read. stay strong be kind to yourself that for me is the best place to start... sending love to you

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Permalink Reply by Carita on June 24, 2009 at 1:45am

Hello, I had to answer to you just because I can relate so well with you on this issue.. I too have experienced every kinds of body issues from a very young age. I'm still battling with it every day, but I really think that it's a positive sign that you are really getting to the root of of the problem. It's always been for me about sabotaging myself since I haven't felt I deserve to look beautiful/be happy/live the way I want to live.
I don't really know where I can find the courage now, when I'm having one of my depression episodes, but I'm trying to learn to love myself and most importantly: be supportive to myself and not beat myself down on every occasion. I too believe that it's possible to gain a better connection between the mind and the body through raw foods, but I didn't expect it to be easy. Lots of support to you :)

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Permalink Reply by Kaitlyn on June 24, 2009 at 8:11am

Thanks for the replies guys! It is so wonderful in a wierd kind of way to hear that there is other people that are on a similar journey to me. I am seeking help from a councellor to work through the issues behind the binging, it has been really good and i am discovering alot about myself, she has suggested i not eat a raw food diet because a controlling diet is not healthy for recovering from eating disorders. it kind of makes sense i guess because binging happens when i feel out of control, therefore controlling what i eat too much will only set me up for bigger failures and feelings of being out of control, right? i don't know, just thinking. i have stopped raw food for about six weeks now, my body has really suffered, the binging is worse and my pants are tighter! what are your thoughts?

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Permalink Reply by Carita on June 25, 2009 at 8:13am

I have to say that this is based on my own experience only :)
First I was very sceptical about overcoming my bulimia. Of course I didn't want to suffer from it but I thought I had no choice. So it was literally controlling me and my life.
Then gradually, after reading David Wolfes Sunfood diet and bunch of other raw food books I began to work a bit harder with it. I knew I had to get to the root of the problem, so I started to heal myself rather than my disorder. And for me it really helped. I noticed how big impact stress had on my eating, and so I started to minimize it and take the kind of mindset that I didn't leave stress any room. I also started to eat more raw foods true, but I didn't find it that restricting .I mean it's really like I don't even want to have those chips or chocolate bars since I know they're not good for me (and that's my new aim in life! To take care of myself) and I know I can have something similar that's good for me. I always wanted to believe that I binged for some part because of some sortage of nutrients so for me raw is the perfect answer for that. But I really still crave some basic food like bread and candies and I know I'm not there yet but for me it's all about my well being, not trying to be perfect!

I'm sorry for my long post, I really wish you best of luck and believe me when I say that everything will be fine, because it will. You'll find your own way :)

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Permalink Reply by Kaitlyn on June 26, 2009 at 12:17am

Thankyou so much for your post Carita, that is really helpful and inspirational. I guess I really need to be gentler to myself and more forgiving and accepting.
It is such a difficult journey as you would know but I am determined to overcome it and allow myself to be happy!

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