Biphobia

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Permalink Reply by Kyrin on May 30, 2009 at 4:23pm

I ABSOLUTELY agree!

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Permalink Reply by Paul Horne on May 30, 2009 at 5:04pm

There are two main reasons for biphobia, in my experience.

1. The vast majority of gays (at least gay men) decide they're "bisexual" before realizing they're gay, simply because it seems to "soften the blow" of being gay in the difficult coming out process - whether they're coming out to themselves or the world. So when a gay guy says he's bi, it almost always means he's simply on the way to self-identifying as gay. (Or if he's a celebrity, he doesn't want to lose the perception that he could play straight roles. If he's a musician, he's afraid delusional tween girls will stop fantasizing about marrying him.)

2. For those of us who are out and constantly defending sexual orientation as not a choice, the idea of bisexuality undermines that idea -- at least conceptually. Conservatives can point to a bisexual and say "see, it's a choice!" when the bisexual experience only applies to a miniscule percentage of the public. Thus, I can understand biphobia, even though I have compassion for everyone wherever they are on the sexual spectrum. I can also understand the resentment, because "party bisexuals" like Katie Perry are free to explore their same-sex attraction and enjoy their full civil rights, while gays cannot (at least not in California).

I've been out for 15 years, lived in LA and San Francisco, edited a national gay magazine for 4 years, and still don't know a single bisexual. I've read about them, I'm sure they're out there, but they simply haven't been part of my experience.

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Permalink Reply by Hayley.Dawn on May 30, 2009 at 8:43pm

Thanks for your replies guys. I find it fascinating Paul that you have not met any Bi's. I wonder if they are shy to 'come out' to you? I know that I often felt really uncomfortable in the company of Lesbian women, like I was less than them, a fake, silly, a fraud, confused, etc. However I now realise that I was brainwashed by biphobia. I was biphobic. I nowunderstand that Bisexuality is real and not a phase. Perhaps if there was more support for Bi's they would not feel so confused themselves. It can cause a lot of pain.

As for bisexuality undermining the idea of sexuality as 'no a choice', I don't see how it does. Bisexuality is not a choice either. It is just another sexual orientation. A straight girl can choose to kiss another girl and ditto for guys, it does not make them bisexual.

The magazines I read as a teen were full of letters like- I fancy my best frind- does this mean I am gay? And the answer was always- 'no, don't worry, you are probably not gay, this is perfectly normal' - as if being gay is not normal- and they never ever mentioned the possibility of bisexuality. Why does everything have to be black and white? It's not in the real world. No reasonable person would expect a gay person to 'choose' heterosexuality- why should bi's be expected to conform and choose to like just one sex when they know they like both? The fact that I hear members of the gay community say things like 'just choose' to bisexuals, makes me want to smash my head against a wall. Right... just choose... well why don't they just choose to be straight?

We need to get over this defensive hangover of prejudice against Gays and stop it from causing prejudice against another minority group. It makes me sick.

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Permalink Reply by Hayley.Dawn on May 30, 2009 at 8:53pm

I think people don't think Bi's exist because they aren't accepted either by the gay or straight communities. Hence the only 'Bi's' that most Gay people come across are Gay's IDing as Bi for an easier transition and straight people acting Bi for entertainment value. The real Bi's stay silent. It's just like being Gay probably was 80 years ago. And much of this prejudice comes from the Gay community itself. It is acceptable then to defend this biphobia on the grounds that Bi's make life difficult for Gays. Well sorry if Bi's make life difficult for some people- that's just tough shit. Gays make it difficult for homophobes but it is not OK to deny their existence as a result.

Sorry for the ranting.

I would really value lots of opinions on this topic- particularly what can be done about the issue. Surely the Gay community can sensibly debate this issue...

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Permalink Reply by Hayley.Dawn on May 30, 2009 at 9:03pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biphobia

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=71064225608

I would urge everyone to read the Wiki entry if you need to and join the group if you can as this seems to be considered a non-issue, a joke or worse. Taboo in certain lesbian communities... bi women have been cast out of groups and meetings...

And the facebook group is tiny compared to similar groups about homophobia... despite more suicides by bi people than Gay people. Please take it seriously guys and help out any way you can to raise the profile of the issue. I am not saying it's gays against Bi's here- we should all understand and support each other

Hayleyx

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Permalink Reply by Paul Horne on June 2, 2009 at 3:56am

This is not to say I haven't made out with a straight guy when we were both on ecstasy... but who hasn't? LOL

And just to be clear, I was definitely not defending biphobia at all. I think bisexuality just needs a good publicist. As you said, just because you can be sexually and emotionally attracted to, and in a sense choose either sex, doesn't mean your bisexuality is a choice. But for the majority of clueless people who have a problem with ANYONE's sexuality, they don't really make that distinction. That's the problem.

I appreciate you bringing it up and sharing your experience. Come on bisexuals -- friend me! I need more bi friends... (I'll take gays and straights too)

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Permalink Reply by Toya B on June 12, 2009 at 1:23pm

I began IDing as "pansexual" and "queer" about 4 years ago after IDing as "bisexual" for about a 3 years before that. I was previously closeted, and, for the only time in my life, admittedly confused. I hate the connotation associated with "bisexuality". There are too many stigmas attached to "bisexuality" that don't apply to me or any of my bisexual friends (i.e. fake/confused/greedy/promiscuous). Besides who the HELL are we as people to judge "promiscuity" as character flaw!?!?

The problem I had with calling MYSELF bisexual was the prefex "bi" implying that there exists this binary of genders. In my 24 years I've encountered more expressions of genders than I could possibly count. I realized after a while that I was sexually attracted to human beings and human beings only (despite the constant "PANsexual?!?!? So does that mean you have sex with pans" comment I get everytime I use the term with obnoxious people).

Pansexual or Bisexual or even "queer", I can feel your pain, Hayley. For as long as I spent hanging out in the closet before "coming out" I still feel closeted at times around my lesbians friends and women I date. My knowing lesbian friends jokingly refer to me as an "aspiring" or "honorary" lesbian. But many lesbians and gays I meet aren't as accepting. Tolerant, but not accepting. It's really amazing really.

Another reason (excuse rather) I've heard people use to try to justify bi and panphobia is that bi women are the ones that bring HIV and AIDS into the lesbian community because they've had sex with men who are easier to get it from. I hear, "you gotta eat a whole lotta p*ss* to catch something from a woman!" Its ridiculous but I've heard it alot.

It wasn't until I came out that I realized that the LGBT community can be just as and even more intolerant as the rest of the world.

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Permalink Reply by Sara on August 15, 2009 at 7:25pm

Why do people poke their noses into others sexual business? This is the bottom line in my opinion.
I fall in love with whomever I happen to fall in love with, male or female. Oh yeah, and I may also love more than one person at a time. Or I may be in a long term monogamous relationship. Whats wrong with that? If its who you are, then it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks, at all.
I do prefer using the term biamorous to bisexual. The media and general perception of what it means to be bisexual has been tainted. Im sick of hetero guys automatically assuming "threesome", ugh. Or that I like to sleep around. Im just as capable of monogamy as anyone else. All these assumptions suck!

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Permalink Reply by Sara on August 15, 2009 at 8:34pm

oh yeah, and for some it may be a matter of choice, and for others it is ingrained from the very beginning. why does it matter so much either way?

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