Why are all my raw food friends single?
Has anyone else noticed that most of us who belong to GI2MR are single?!! Jade and I have been discussing this and wondering if this is because people who are into raw/veg diets are so rare to find that options are extremely limited, or is it because people into raw food just prefer to be single. Or are we too busy? Or, are most people with mates too busy to communicate on a forum like this? Worst case scenario - are raw foodies challenged in the sustainable relationship department?!! Would love to read your thoughts on this. Purely scientific research!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Spencer on -
Going raw is a deeply individual experience, even if you initially "go raw with someone else". For me personally, I could no longer hide from myself, no thought or action went unnoticed, my relationship with myself became so intense, so enhanced, that initially, I was just so occupied actually learning about my true self that I would never have had the time, energy, or personal stability to give myself completely to someone else. Love for another happens when love for oneself is so great that it simply overflows outwards. Going raw begins the process of deep self love, not surface, ego love. It takes a long time to remove the layers enough that you can love yourself, and once you truly know who you are, you find that there are few people in the world who have a similar relationship with him/herself, hence narrowing your pool even further.
I also think raw is the best teacher in terms of "eternal" and "everlasting" phenomena. Eating raw is the most lasting high we can experience. Many previous drug addicts go raw because they deep down know that feeling so intensely high for such short periods on drugs is eternally accessible through deep cleansing and detoxification. The chemicals released when in love, in many ways, create a short, 3-4 year high. If it does turn into a lifetime relationship, it becomes very much like a friendship in my mind. The biggest lesson I've learned is to avoid the paths that pull me up and down; even excitement for me has become suffering because of the fall when it's over. I know that clinging to someone else outside of myself has the ability to pull my emotions up and down, like a drug. I prefer the middle road, the peaceful path.
I also think when we "love" someone else, we really just admire the qualities of the person to whom we're attracted. It's basically the recognition of your ideal self, your philosophy of life, in another person. So instead of going through the emotional highs and lows of depending on someone else for your happiness, just acquire their qualities instead; work on yourself. Raw makes us self-reliant, it gives us the ability to be completely content on our own, completely self-trusting, as we seek the lifestyle that will make us eternally peaceful without relying on external stimuli or phenomena. I personally know that although a love experience might be extremely rich and rewarding, it could take from my peace because, again, what goes up must come down.
And the idea of "love" is so hard to pin down with words! Are we talking about carnal lust? Are we talking about complete infatuation with someone else? Is the idea, "grow old together" kind of love? I stand by my original claim that loving someone else is the recognition of qualities in another person that you personally wished you possessed. The other two would take pages to discuss. My ideal relationship would just happen to become one because of great friendship, which would turn into two beings in love, completely self-reliant and content on their own. True love has no strings attached, no conditions. Many cases of "love" that I see were "if I can't have you I hate you" kind of relationships, hence the ugliness that often ensues after a relationship ends. You can't love someone unless being without them is something you're completely able to accept. If you believe you can't live without someone, you don't really love them.
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Permalink Reply by Ian on -
Very profound, Spencer.
I was in love many years ago, and this girl broke my heart. I understand her reasons for doing so much better now, as I didn't know how to handle it then. What I should have tried to convey to her is this: "I can live without you ... I just do not want to". Although painful then, I realize now that I can indeed live without her, and I am doing fine on that path.
Good stuff.
Ian
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Permalink Reply by Ryan V. on -
Some good thoughts. I largely agree. I think a lot of people seek relationships as a form of self-validation. They want somebody's stamp of approval to feel good about themselves. If it is someone they really respect or admire, all the better. I think appreciation is great and all, but I don't think it's something we should depend on as a source of happiness. We need to largely be self-validated. (I'm going to say at least 87%). Otherwise, we go up and down with other peopl'es opinions and attitudes toward us. BUT if we find someone that we have things in common with, the validation they give us makes us even stronger then we already are, so there is nothing wrong with this. But this isn't the PRIMARY purpose of the relationship. The primary purpose is in having someone to share with. Love needs an outlet. Life is made up of giving and receiving, and having someone that we can do that with on an intimate, regular basis is healthy. Who we are becomes stronger through expression. Sure we can do that in day-to-day life with people we meet, but there are some things that can only be understood in the context of a life time of explanation. Whatever you bring to the relationship, good or bad, will be multiplied once you're in it. So there is no rush, but when you are ready, I believe it can be a wonderful thing.
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Permalink Reply by elasticfate on -
"The primary purpose is in having someone to share with. Love needs an outlet. Life is made up of giving and receiving, and having someone that we can do that with on an intimate, regular basis is healthy. Who we are becomes stronger through expression."
Indeed! And I think relationships allow you to really know yourself and grow because of this. We can know a lot through intellect, but it's only when we are able to experience things through our actions that we really know something.
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Permalink Reply by Stephen Hopson on -
Wow, that was really powerful. You know something? What's interesting is that I remember reading "Conversations with God" a best-seller by Neale Donald Walsch. Have you read it? Well, it said on page 20 that "You are not discovering yourself but creating yourself anew...." Isn't that what we are trying to do on this raw food journey? Go deeper within ourselves and discover not only who we are but who we want to be in relation to our divine mission. Another person cannot do that for you.
Here's another one on page 123: "Here is the paradox of all human relationships: You have no need for a particular other in order for you to experience fully Who You Are...."
One more on page 126: "Your first relationship, therefore, must be with your Self. You must first learn to honor and cherish and love your Self."
There's so much more in Chapter 89 about relationships.
Basically we are all here to learn how to love and respect ourselves first before we can love and respect others. We enter relationships for the wrong reasons (sex, validation, expectations, approval, love to fill in the holes, etc).
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Permalink Reply by Revvell on -
I was single for 54 years. Not anymore. Raw or not really has nothing to do with it in my case.
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Permalink Reply by Rich on -
I think most married people are to busy being married instead of hanging on the computer socializing. I'm sure you would find any social network on the internet filled with more single people then married people. This is a great way to communicate about raw food lifestyles but it is also a great way to meet new people and if your single then that's kinda what it's all about.
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Permalink Reply by Suzie- Smoothie on -
oh ..how true! (:
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Permalink Reply by Debbie on -
um, I am married.. for like 13 years.. sorry to burst your "single" bubble:)
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Permalink Reply by Walker Marchal on -
Hey Girl,
You are an awesome anomaly!
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