Relationships, for guys and gals

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Permalink Reply by Tammo on January 27, 2009 at 5:05pm

hm.. i dont like giving relationship advices.. everyone in smart in other peoples problems.. but.. i would say that for me personaly, i have to have the ``click`` the butterflies and the whole heart-soul moving love.. lol i know i know i`m a dramaqueen and a hopeless romantic. i would say go with your gut and your intuition and when you find the ``one`` grab on and dont let go! also i think sence of humar, laughter, same interests (or at least similar ones) are a great start! i also think that people should be more forgiving and understanding! it is soooooo great to feel loved and be in love! let that feeling guide you! peace and love to all of you!!!

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Permalink Reply by Susan Virginia on January 27, 2009 at 5:27pm

End every conversation with "love you."

Start every day with some cuddling.

Don't talk down or deride one another often, even in jest.

Establish roles & responsibilities and stick to it, and be flexible.

Don't be too dependant, and don't let anyone depend too much on you.

Have lots of sex!! Men need it like food.

Don't have too many friends of the opposite sex, particularly "going out" friends. Don't go out with other people too often without your partner, but once in a while is absolutly necessary. Have at least one or two couples that you both like each person equally well!!! <-- very very nice thing

Keep yourself looking good, healthy, social, functioning.

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Permalink Reply by Grant on January 27, 2009 at 5:41pm

Haha. Totally right on the sex thing, if we don't get sex we get all cranky, uptight and anxious.
Quite ironic cuz those are the things that tend to cause loneliness in my opinion.

I found that when I was too anxious, no one wanted to be around me. And when I'm calm, cool and confident, the ladies just flock to me haha.

good advice. keep it coming.

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Permalink Reply by Jef on January 27, 2009 at 9:58pm

Please say more about the sex thing..... You don't really want sex just to keep you from getting cranky do you? Don't you want her to want more than to just keep you from being uptight>??

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Permalink Reply by Grant on January 27, 2009 at 7:14pm

I think what susan was meaning... (I could be way off here).
Was that sometimes if guys and girls become too close as friends, it can often become a bad thing.
Males and Females are designed to be attracted to each other, so when a girl and a guy are 'just friends' there must be strict boundaries between them.
If they are going out clubbing or hanging out on a regular basis (just the 2 of them I mean) then that is what I call 'crossing the boundaries' if you are 'just friends'.
I myself have come across many girls who do not understand those boundaries and have had to give them the hard line to tell them to piss off.
(I don't like doing it, and at the same time I understand that it is a necessary evil.)

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Permalink Reply by Rande on January 27, 2009 at 7:45pm

regarding not having friends too close of friends of the opposite sex, i dont quite understand this...i'm bisexual, in a relationship with a woman, and have great and very close friendships with people of both sexes. i dont think that just because there is the potential to be sexually attracted to someone, you cant be friends. i find plenty of people attractive but it doesnt mean that i cant have a normal friendship with them.

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Permalink Reply by Grant on January 27, 2009 at 8:41pm

I think if both parties understand completely that they are just friends it is fine.
AND if that is the case there must be boundaries regarding body language, and the way they speak to each other etc, in my opinion.
I have never met a guy that was best friends with a girl because he just wanted to be friends, he wants sex, and/or he's in love and infatuating her.

Time after time I have seen this, and I have tried to be close friends with girls myself.
Every single time I tried, I became attracted to her.
I learned there that girls are 'attractors', guys are 'chasers',
and I aint gunna go chasing some girl who's just gunna tease me all the time.
That shit just fucks with my head.

But anyway,
That's just my view. I respect your opinions and thank you for your input. :)

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Permalink Reply by Walker Marchal on January 28, 2009 at 2:42am

A wonderful goddess teacher named Doreen Virtue told me her secret is "Appreciation, appreciation, appreciation"
(This is akin to the credo of all real estate agents of, "Location, location, location.")

I also love the mantra that Deva Premal sings, "Love is Space!" Love has got to breathe like a spark growing into a fire. Without space, love suffocates.

My disclaimer: I'm no expert - just a single, celibate yogini in the High Sonoran desert with keen observational skills!

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Permalink Reply by Marte on January 28, 2009 at 4:34am

I hear some guys keep saying this. And I don't really belive it. Just because you have not had that experience does not mean that it can not happen :)

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Permalink Reply by Susan Virginia on January 28, 2009 at 11:31am

have never met a guy that was best friends with a girl because he just wanted to be friends, he wants sex, and/or he's in love and infatuating her.

BAM

See this goes along with the idea that "men need sex like food." I have come to believe that its the very very very rare guy that can have a true friendship with a woman and not eventually think of her in a sexual way.

Guys know this about other guys and so -- even if the gal thinks/ feels/ knows its just a friendship, and her BF should be trusting of her, HE will be thinking "that guy wants my GF!!" and it will become an uncomfortable thing.

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Permalink Reply by Lauren O on January 28, 2009 at 10:27pm

I agree there needs to be trust and freedom but if your significant other is with a member of the gender they are attracted to (the gender, not the person) and that person does something inappropriate (say undress in front of your significant other) that is a big problem. My big no no is dont hang out with people who dont respect your relationship and its boundries. This goes for platonic and romantic relationships.

I also say give space. I do not want to spend all day, every day with my boo, I love him but I need time to myself!

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Permalink Reply by Susan Virginia on January 28, 2009 at 11:27am

Also, if you break up, you'll be left without a full, supportive network,

If you're in or hope to be in a long term relationship, you don't make many decisions beased on 'if we break up.'

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